Shake it off

If there was any indication that life is a balance, the last four days would be it. I was on top of the world a couple days ago, around people who bring the best out of me in such a special way. I felt so happy and alive. I'm still feeling the afterglow, smiling at strangers and replying with greater enthusiasm when the random Safeway checker asks if I found everything I need.

This afternoon was just the opposite. I was blindsided by betrayal from someone who has become a close confidante in the last couple years. I hurt. badly. It's hard not to get stuck in this feeling of pain.

I'm not super religious. But I saved an inspiring article about being in your mid-twenties from a 'progressive christian' magazine ('Eleven things to know at 25ish'). I just re-read an excerpt that is filled with great insight. Is it a little preachy? Oh gawd yes. And some parts are too judgemental for my tastes. But I have to agree with some of its key messages:

"This is the thing: When you hit 28 or 30, everything begins to divide. You can see very clearly two kinds of people. On one side, people who have used their 20s to learn and grow, to find God and themselves and their dreams, people who know what works and what doesn’t, who have pushed through to become real live adults. Then there’s the other kind, who are hanging onto college, or high school even, with all their might. They’ve stayed in jobs they hate, because they’re too scared to get another one. They’ve stayed with men or women who are good but not great, because they don’t want to be lonely. They mean to find a church, they mean to develop intimate friendships, they mean to stop drinking like life is one big frat party. But they don’t do those things, so they live in an extended adolescence, no closer to adulthood than when they graduated.

Don’t be like that. Don’t get stuck. Move, travel, take a class, take a risk. There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming. Don’t lose yourself at happy hour, but don’t lose yourself on the corporate ladder either. Stop every once in a while and go out to coffee or climb in bed with your journal.

Ask yourself some good questions like: “Am I proud of the life I’m living? What have I tried this month? What have I learned about God this year? What parts of my childhood faith am I leaving behind, and what parts am I choosing to keep? Do the people I’m spending time with give me life, or make me feel small? Is there any brokenness in my life that’s keeping me from moving forward?”

Now is your time. Walk closely with people you love. Don’t get stuck in the past, and don’t try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven’t yet earned.
Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep traveling honestly along life’s path."

Right now I don't feel great about how things are leaving off with the person I mentioned above. I probably never will. Some relationships end badly and people do/say the wrong things instead of the right ones. All we can do is grow, learn from our mistakes, and pat ourselves on the back for not giving up. I believe life is a balance, and this pain will be replaced with happiness of equal intensity.